Date #2 - Learning to Talk

Friday was Date #2 in the series of 10 Great Dates.  You asked for it, so here was the topic:

How are your lines of communication?  Do you say what you mean an mean what you say?  55% of communication is non-verbal (meaning your actions and body language); 38% is tone of voice.  Leaving only 7% for actual words. 

We also talked about three different types of communication:

1.  Chatter - that's the basic day to day talk about the ordinary.  It is common and most typical, but if that's all there is in a relationship it stays shallow.

2.  Confrontive - this type of communication contains lots of hostile 'You' statements and 'Why' questions.  'Why did you do that?"

3. Companionate - which should be the basic communication pattern in a healthy marriage.  This is communication where you talk about your feelings in reaction to something your partner has done or said... not focusing it on them  "I feel frustrated when this happens"

Anyway,  it was a pretty good topic and one I can relate to because I know I'm totally guilty of being quick to be confrontive. 

Exercise #2:

1. What are our favorite topics to talk about?  (Things about which we usually agree and promote good interaction)

2.  What are our less favorite topics?  (Things we tend to debate about)

3.  Take turns answering the following questions:

How do I feel when:  ________________

You give me a compliment?  You express appreciation for something I did? You smile at me?  You make a sacrifice for me?  You reach out and touch me?  You tell me you love me?  You tell me your proud of me?

Post Date Application

• Keep looking for ways to compliment each other between now and the next date.
• Try to identify when you get into the confrontive pattern of communication and stop it before it escalates.
• See how often you can use the companionate pattern.
• Practice feelings words to better reveal yourself to your spouse.